Like this:

I’ve noticed an interesting trend lately when it comes to guys and their deep sensitive issues, especially when it comes to Christian guys.  Truth is, all guys have deep sensitive issues.  Yes, even “macho” guys.  Emotional troubles are real and they exist in everyone, even you, regardless of how many muscles you have or how many dudes you’ve put in the hospital.  Anything from relationship problems to family struggles to simply “I like so-and-so, what should I do?”  So what happens when these emotional troubles begin to take a significant toll on guys?  Simple.  Many turn to their female friends for help.  Or in some cases, even just random girls.  I’ve seen it countless times.  Now, a guy turning to his wife or even his girlfriend isn’t as bad because after God, they are your next #1.  But many girls get really irritated when their platonic guy friends come crying to them and the number one question most girls angrily ask is, “Why is so-and-so coming to me and not talking to his guy friends like he should be doing?”  Well, there are actually a few issues behind that, so here they are.

The first issue is a pride issue.  Many guys want to appear “tough” or “able to handle anything.”  And in front of their guy friends, this is the image many guys strive to portray.  Notice how most guys love to brag about what they can do or what they’ve been able to accomplish in front of their guy friends.  It gives off the “macho” or more realistically “successful” image that many guys seek to show themselves as.  So when things get tough emotionally, many guys fear that they’ll be seen as weak in front of their peers, and thus cover it up.  This brings me to my next point…fear.

The second issue is fear.  Many guys are afraid of showing vulnerability to their fellow dudes.  They fear that they may be ridiculed, teased, or simply just seen as someone who’s weak and inferior.  They fear being attacked with words like, “Come on, don’t be such a baby.  Man up and deal with it.”  Pastor Mark Gungor of “Laugh your Way to a Better Marriage” states that women are givers and men in general are takers.  In simpler terms, women love to compliment each other on everything, even if it’s just something trivial.  At the same time, men typically tend not to compliment each other as often and find more enjoyment in playfully insulting, teasing, and ridiculing each other.  This is fine when it comes to trivial things, but for deeper issues that’s a different story.  Most guys are aware of this.  Many have even experienced very harsh ridicule or even torment in their lives after exposing their emotional troubles in front of other men.  A notable and common example is where a father torments or maybe even disowns his son for showing emotional weakness and telling his son, “You’re supposed to be a man, stop crying and deal with it you wuss.”  Another example may be where a male athlete gets ridiculed by his teammates in the locker room after sharing a story about how much he misses the girl who recently dumped him.  Some men may have also experienced other men not taking their emotions seriously, getting responses like, “Man up, its no big deal, just get over it.”  Any of these things can leave damaging emotional scars and stir a lot of distrust towards other men in later life.  This leads to my third point…trust.

The third issue is trust.  Many guys as a result of their fear end up not trusting other men with their deepest emotional problems.  At the same time, they look at women and view them as caring, understanding, easier to connect with emotionally, and as individuals who will be able to give more help than hurt.  Thus, most guys will come to women simply because they trust that women will respond in a more loving, caring, and understanding manner.  This is also why many boys with emotional troubles run away from their fathers and into the arms of their mothers, especially if the father is tough and stern and the mother is kind and loving (Example: Eustace and Muriel from Courage the Cowardly Dog, haha).  Many guys also trust that women will promise not to reveal their deepest problems to anyone (this specific point however is almost never the case unfortunately).  Again, women are givers and men are takers according to Mark Gungor.  When a guy is down in the dumps, he wants someone to “give” something to him, not “take” what little he has left.  Hence, he’ll turn to women for help.

The loving caring Muriel and tough obnoxious Eustace from "Courage the Cowardly Dog"

So is a guy turning to a girl for help always a bad thing?  Absolutely not.  Women understand many things way more than guys can so a healthy dose of advice from a woman is good for the soul.  But if all a guy is doing is coming to girls for help, that’s not healthy either.  Women don’t understand everything about how a guy functions and they’re not always emotionally equipped to handle certain issues, which is why a guy also needs to turn to other guys too in order to get the most complete help he can get.  Plus its essential that men build strong and healthy relationships and trust with their male peers through sharing of deep feelings.

So what can we do?  Well, first off, for the ladies, don’t stop helping and caring.  Be as helpful as you can, but at the same time, stress that you can’t help him in every possible way and that its important to also go to other guys for help as well.  Be firm, but not harsh or angry.  And for the dudes, put the “macho” issue aside for a bit.  Understand that when a guy comes to you for help with a deep issue, he’s making himself vulnerable to you and it’s not easy for him.  Understand that the issues are real and that you need to be a brother to him, help him out, and do the best thing for him.  No jokes or teasing or any of that, even if its just playful (you never know how broken a guy is; sometimes the slightest joke will set him off).  And if that’s not enough, remember that you’ve got emotional issues too and you’re going to need someone to turn to also in the future when you need help.

And for the guy who needs help emotionally, the first thing you need to do is let go of your pride.  This may be tough for some and it’ll likely take lots of time and help from God, but it needs to be done if you want any hope of getting the best help possible.  Seek help from guys in the right places.  Build deep and trusting relationships with guys who have a strong mindset to do the right thing.  Then you can come to them when your deepest problems are getting the best of you.  Try seeking help from older men and/or men who have had similar experiences and can relate to you.  Churches, community groups, and pastors are a few good resources for help.  And there’s no need to stop talking to women about your problems, but understand that you cannot solely depend on them if you really want complete help.  And of course, the most important thing, pray about it to God and seek His comfort and guidance.  Because even when the rest of the world fails to help, God will always be there and come through for you.  Let us finish with the following verses:

Don’t just pretend to love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong.  Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.  Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.  Rejoice in our confident hope.  Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them.  Always be eager to practice hospitality. (Romans 12:9-13)

Find joy in helping others and don’t be afraid to ask for help.  God Bless ^^.

Advertisement